Until Next Time
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I walked down the short corridor, having a particular room in mind, when suddenly someone grabbed my arm from behind. "We have to stop meeting in this fashion." "I know." "I just can't help it." "I know."
Fandom: Harry Potter
Main character(s): Remus Lupin
Other character(s): None
Posted: July 31. 2011
"We'll start with the issue of Dumbledore," Alastor said gruffly. "I have no clue where he has gone off to, and I suspect none of you know anything either?" He gazed out at the small crowd of Order members, the magical eye swivelling in its socket, always one step ahead of his normal eye.
Most of them, including me, shook their heads, some muttered negative answers.
He grunted in approval. "We can assume he is safe, and that he'll be back when things have settled down," Alastor continued. "But you should know that Umbridge and Fudge are on our tails even more than before. Both of them have tried interrogating the professors at Hogwarts, unsuccessfully. They may round up any of you lot too, but as long as you really don't know anything you should be safe. Try staying under the Ministry's radar, and there will be no trouble.
"On another topic, our latest mission has gone well. Emmeline has..."
I tuned out when I felt someone's eyes fixed on me. Until now I had been looking to the right, to the front of the table where Alastor Moody sat, conducting the first Order meeting since Dumbledore escaped from the Minister. Slowly I turned my head around. In front of me on the opposite side of the table sat Sturgis, fully focused on Alastor's words. Elphias on his left side taking notes, Tonks one more seat to the left trying out different colours on her nails.
Even more slowly I turned my head towards the person I knew was staring at me.
Remus' face was expressionless, but his blue eyes said hi.
I had avoided looking at him all evening. When I arrived at Grimmauld Place I had engaged myself in a vivid conversation with Tonks, and only muttered a vague 'hello' when he came into the room.
I let a ghost of a smile cross my lips, igniting one on his own.
Before anyone noticed, I turned away, refocusing on Alastor.
"... is planning for something that will take place around the middle of June. Snape has no intelligence of what exactly will take place, but he assumes it has something to do with the Ministry."
"To hell with the Ministry," Sirius commented.
Alastor shot him a dirty look, as did Molly and I.
"Snape was supposed to be here to give his report, but apparently something has gotten his wand in a knot and he refused to come."
"Not something with Harry?" Sirius now asked, knowing his godson was involuntarily learning Occlumency from his former schoolmate, and they didn't really get along.
"Minerva reports that Snape has terminated the lessons. If that's why he's being difficult, she doesn't know."
"I'll have a word with Snivellus next time he stops by," Sirius muttered, bitter emphasis on Snape's nickname, as Alastor continued before the interruption.
I gazed at Sirius; he was glaring murder at the table top, lightly drumming his fingers on the surface. His behaviour made me smile.
Not being able to resist, I moved my eyes just a little bit to the right of Sirius and found Remus' face. As if he had waited for it, he snapped his eyes to mine, making a quick thrill go through me.
I held his gaze for a few seconds, before I heard a question being directed at me.
"Still no news about the Dementors," I answered, looking at everyone around me. "The Ministry still believes the Dementors are under their control, despite the increasing amount of unauthorized sightings. I think some of the Azkaban guards are suspecting something, but I doubt they dare speak up about it."
Alastor nodded, as if this was no surprise and went right on to the next point in the schedule.
The Order meeting went on for a little while longer, discussing the situation with Umbridge at Hogwarts and sorting out a few details on a mission Dumbledore had set for Remus before he disappeared. During this I could clearly see the resigned determination in his eyes. I felt a bit worried for him, even though the mission was far in the future. The determination dimmed as he met my stare, getting slightly overshadowed by fire.
I was afraid anyone would see, so I quickly looked away. But I could feel the flames burning in me anyway, as he continued to speak about his plans for the undercover mission.
The meeting ended and Molly served snacks, which with her cooking really turned into a full on meal. No one seemed to want to leave this evening; it was raining outside and the company inside was good.
After a long while Remus said his good nights and was the first to leave the sitting room. I didn't watch him leave, but I could trace his path through the room and out the door in my head. Up from his chair by the window, where he had been in deep conversation with Arthur. Left to talk to Alastor. Over to the bookcase to have a few words with Sirius and Mundungus. Then to the table, past me, to speak to Molly.
"Thank you for the snacks, Molly, it was delicious as always." His voice was warm with genuine praise.
"Oh, thank you, Remus. You're calling it a night?" she asked, with a slight blush.
"Yes, I'm very tired," he answered. "Good night, Molly. Say hi to Bill for me, would you?"
"Of course, Remus. Good night!"
Then there was a straight line out.
"Something the matter?" Molly asked me.
I didn't think I'd sighed so loudly. "Nothing, just... tired," I answered. "I think I'm going to head home."
"Okay, Apparate safely," Molly said, putting a hand on my shoulder and squeezing lightly.
"Good night," I said to the table and left.
As I reached the staircase, I paused. Instead of going down to the hall, I hurried upstairs. Three flights. I walked down the short corridor, having a particular room in mind, when suddenly someone grabbed my arm from behind and flipped me around, pulling me hard towards them. Soft, warm and lightly chapped lips met mine. I melted into the body supporting me with a happy moan.
The kiss was intense and bruising, tongues met in a furious dance of desperation. My hands digging deep into soft, in-need-of-a-cut hair, while one of his hands lay casually on my buttocks, and the other was so tight around my waist it hurt slightly. The pain was easily numbed by the wonderful sensations stirring in my body.
He let go of my lips, much to my displeasure, but left wet kisses down my chin. I bared my neck to him, and he latched onto it like a leech.
"We have to stop meeting in this fashion," Remus whispered into my neck, without pausing his ministrations.
"I know," I replied, pulling at the hair at the back of his head, urging him to continue his branding of me.
"I just can't help it," he continued in a muffled voice.
"I know," I repeated, revelling in the vibrations he created in my skin when he talked. Involuntarily I arched my hips into him.
"Merlin," he groaned in response and attacked my lips again. Thrusting his tongue in deep and exploring every corner inside my mouth. I wrapped one leg around his waist. He took the hint and put both hands on my bottom, lifting me so I could wrap both legs around him. Without breaking apart, Remus walked us a couple of steps forwards and backed me up against a door that opened up when he kicked at it.
As soon as the door closed behind us, I could both smell and feel that we were in his room. It was a faint earthly and woodsy smell, with a hint of basil. And the temperature was lower than in the rest of the house, but it still felt warm and comfortable.
Remus walked us over to the bed, crashing into the bedpost, making me groan a little in pain.
"Sorry," he chuckled against my mouth, sidestepped and lowered us gently to the unmade bed. Holding his weight up with one arm, he used his other hand to cup my chin. For a few long seconds he just looked at me. My heart accelerated as he did so. He had this strange ability to look like he was gazing into the bottom of your soul. Seeing all your dark secrets, all your dirty fantasies, but not judging you for anything.
Right before I started squirming under his scrutiny, he closed in and, in a change of pace, kissed me gently. Nibbling on my lower lip, before leaving two-three kisses on my jaw-line, then raising his head and looking into my eyes again.
"You truly are beautiful," he whispered.
I smiled and blushed. And to keep him from coming with more heartfelt comments, I began unbuttoning his shirt. It's not that I didn't enjoy hearing him say all kinds of lovely things about me; I just wanted to keep this as physical as possible.
The shirt was pushed off his shoulders and he shrugged it off and down to the floor, revealing his lean and scarred upper body. I raked my fingernails over his chest, causing him to shiver in delight.
Making sure we were on even ground, Remus impatiently tore off my tunic, ripping a few of the seams. I was used to casting Reparo on my clothes.
Immediately he began kissing my breasts, bra still on. I moaned and put my hands in his hair, keeping him there to continue doing good things. It didn't take long before I felt his hand sneak behind my back to unclasp the bra. With a snap it was open and with a flick of his wrist it levitated away with amazing speed.
Feeling his lips on the skin was incredible. He was tracing a path of fire around my chest, sucking, kissing, and nibbling. My lungs heaved with excitement, and every nerve he was near sent fire to my lower body, creating an itch only Remus could scratch.
I quickly grew desperate to feel more, so I pushed his head down. He took the hint and unbuttoned my jeans, pulling them off in a rush, along with my panties. When the cold air hit my suddenly naked skin, I erupted in goose bumps.
Remus chuckled as he spotted my bumpy skin. He took my ankle in his unnaturally warm hands, and I immediately warmed up all the way to my head. But the majority of the heat settled in one place, which I knew Remus could smell with his heightened werewolf senses.
He was growling quietly, as he worked his way up my legs, coming closer to the sweetness he had created in me. He kissed my legs, licked my thighs, making me writhe in pleasure, my arms outstretched to grapple the sheets, almost reaching climax before we had really began. I was vocal about it, without being loud, I breathed and moaned and muttered things I didn't know the meaning of, didn't care about the meaning.
As Remus reached my centre, he breathed deeply, and growled like a real animal. But without going near where I needed him, he moved on to my stomach and gave my upper body the same torturous treatment. He circled my belly button with his tongue, drew beautiful patterns across my abdomen. Blew air on the wet skin.
I was impatient, needed to feel him inside me. I put my hands in his hair as he reached the bottom of my breasts, lifted it up, making him look at me.
"Get on with it," I croaked out.
He smiled in that sexy way only he could and crawled excruciatingly slow up my body. "If you wish." His voice was deep with desire. To tease me some more, he ground his clothed hips into my naked ones, letting me feel just much he wanted me.
I looked pointedly at him, making him laugh as he stood to remove the rest of his clothes. In a few seconds he laid his naked body over mine, setting fire to my skin with his higher than normal temperature.
I spread my legs, and he wasted no time in connecting us, both sighing in pleasure as he reached bottom. There was no gentleness, no trying to make it last all night. Neither of us had the patience, or the control. Remus latched onto my lips, pouring his groans into my mouth to keep anyone from hearing. I scraped my nails over his back, my hips meeting each of his thrusts with reckless abandon, giving into the searing sensations he created.
Remus' pace changed, it became rougher, needier. He let go of my lips and buried his head by my neck, sucking on the skin. I too felt it coming; I wrapped my legs around his hips, trying to get him as close as possible. I fastened my fingers on his upper arms, digging into the flesh, leaving marks.
Remus let go of my neck with a wet sound and looked into my eyes. He had his hands on my shoulders, gripping tight and bruising them, keeping his body from crushing me by resting on his elbows.
My eyes fluttered close as I felt a rush of desire overflow in me.
"Open your eyes," Remus whispered demandingly.
Unable to do anything but obey the man who was pushing me closer and closer to paradise, I opened them, meeting his now dark blue eyes. His jaw was clamped shut, only breathing through his teeth. The intensity in his eyes was overwhelming, and pushed me over the edge. I opened my mouth in a silent scream, then mouthing his name over and over and over. Remus' eyes told me before he came, burning like bluebell flames. Then he stiffened and chanted quietly with me, each mouthing the other's name until we landed.
Our eyes were still locked together, not quite managing to let go of the feeling of climax and satisfaction.
For several minutes we laid there, Remus still inside me, before he couldn't hold his weight up any longer and slipped out and rolled to the side. I took a deep breath and laid my hands above my head, missing the weight on top of me and the feeling of fullness, but with a small smile on my lips anyway.
"Happy?" Remus asked.
I turned my head towards him. He was lying on his side, smiling warmly, all his naked glory facing me.
"Very," I said, and felt that it was true. I could stay right there with him forever. I could easily see myself falling asleep in his warm arms every night, have him being the first thing I see in the morning, kiss him in front of the Order, worry openly when he goes on his dangerous mission...
I shook my head, tossing these thoughts away.
"What?" Remus asked.
"Nothing," I answered. "It's time for me to leave." I couldn't afford to get too attached to Remus. We had agreed that this would be entirely physical. No one would know. We both needed some way to let out frustrations and fears from the war, someone to feel close and safe with, if only for a short while, and agreed that that was all it was going to be.
"Why don't you stay until the morning for once?" Remus proposed. "You leave quite an impression on this poor old werewolf. Maybe I don't have to ride the morning-after-you storm alone for once."
I smiled. Somewhere along the road we had become more than a comfort for each other. We hadn't noticed at first, but had never discussed it. I don't know why we hadn't, but it may be for the same reasons we began this arrangement in the first place. Fear from the war, fear of getting too close, since no one knew what tomorrow would bring.
"I'm sorry, Remus, but you know I can't stay." I stood up and began collecting my clothes, wincing when my shoulders moved with the bruises Remus gave them. As I put the clothes on, I felt him staring at me. I hated it when he did that, I liked it too much.
"Please, stay," he repeated, leaning on an elbow, still starkers in the cold room, not even bothering pulling the bedcovers up.
"Reparo," I whispered with my wand pointed to my tunic. The seams re-stitched themselves and it was as good as new. I pulled it on, and walked over to the bed. "Sorry, Remus, I have to go." I bent down and kissed him. He put one hand on my cheek, to make the kiss last a little bit longer. I let him, because I was weak.
With a heavy heart I pulled back and put on a playful smile. "Until next time."
"Until next time."
I walked over to the door and listened. It was quiet in the hall, so I slipped out. I listened around corners and tiptoed down to the ground floor. Past the sleeping portrait of Mrs Black, and out the door.
Breathing in the fresh, crisp air. It wasn't raining any longer. I leant against the door with my eyes closed. It was getting harder and harder to leave each time. I may have stronger feelings for Remus than I once thought I had. But I didn't mind these so-called one-night-stands. As long as they were with him, I didn't mind. I had no interest in pursuing any other romantic relationship, and he didn't seem to have interests elsewhere, so I was faithful to the relationship we didn't quite have.
Settling for that in my mind, I Apparated into my Diagon Alley flat, to anxiously wait for the next Order meeting. The indifferent behaviour, the secret glances across the table, the sex in his room, it would happen all over again.